What Unhappiness Taught Me
I thought long and hard about deciding to blog again, not just blogging, but creating in general. I’m naturally the type of person who goes for it, even with the possibility of failure. Failure has never frightened me, but the thing I most fear is living a comfortable life. What I mean by that is forming habits or settling based on ease or acceptance. If there’s no disruption in life you can’t grow, not only that, you don’t learn anything being comfortable. I have an immense capacity to learn and absorb knowledge, so when things begin to diminish in terms of my ability to learn or grow, I lose interest in them. This would prove to be one of two huge factors that resulted in my blogger hiatus. The second slightly personal one was I just wasn’t happy. Here I am putting out quality content I feel good about, getting cool opportunities, and building a brand yet there was something missing. It sounds kind of crazy right? But I’m grateful for what that unhappiness taught me. Because it didn’t matter how many likes I got on Instagram, who featured me in their magazine, or how “popular” I was. My unhappiness told me something critical was missing.
For a long time I thought it was my relationships, I’m not the best mom, girlfriend, or friend because I spend so much time working and blogging. Yes, that’s what’s causing my unhappiness, even though I’m succeeding as a brand. So I decided what was best was to improve the relationships I believed were causing my unhappiness. Just like that I stopped blogging to focus 100% on my personal life. Not only was that a terrible decision, it actually made my relationships worse. Because I stopped doing something I genuinely loved, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I became this person who was sacrificing who I truly was because it was easier, my biggest fear was becoming a reality. There I was, giving what I thought was my all and going bat shit crazy. To add insult to injury that feeling of unhappiness was still there chillin, like hey what’s good. Fuck My Life…I mean ain’t this some shit. But wait there’s more. I had a major meltdown, I won’t get into that, you’ll all need therapy after hearing the chain of events leading up to that. But in that moment everything became so clear.
I prayed. Let me say that again, I prayed. Now people get all freaked out when you start talking about spirituality but it’s my blog and you gon get this word today. When I prayed, I thought to myself how infrequently I did that. It caused me to analyze this feeling of unhappiness in a completely different light. I realized faith was the missing link. I was trying to handle everything on my own, not realizing I just had to have more faith in what I was doing. I was spiritually disconnected so success felt like failure, relationships felt like failure, and this unhappiness existed around me to guide me to this realization. I decided to change my life and mindset and made faith my number one priority.
I developed the urge to create again and have faith not just in what I’m doing, but the reasons behind it. I accepted I’ll never have a comfortable life, and that’s ok because the people in it know and accept the person I am. I understand better the type of mother I am and the example I’m setting for my son. I realize how important expressing my creativity is and how important it is for me to continue creating and journeying through this website.
Alright, enough is enough, but if you’re reading this, no it’s not too late. Sorry I couldn’t resist. Whatever unhappiness you feel if any, ask yourself how spiritually connected you are. If you’re like me and need to vastly improve in that arena. Do it!!! It’s never too late.