I decided to start my journey of motherhood from the beginning. If I could put into words the feelings I felt when I realized I'd be a mother, it was probably a mix of fear, joy, panic, and excitement. Being 23, just graduating college, and working hard at starting my career. I didn't plan on having a baby so soon. I thought I had a lot of living to do and having a baby, as much of a blessing as they are, at the time didn't seem to fit very well in the timeline of this picture perfect life I sought myself living.
I'd be lying to you if I told you my journey was easy. Both his father and I struggled to make sense of things. Trying to prepare ourselves for something we knew nothing about. On the flip side, I had a picture perfect pregnancy. No sickness or discomfort...with the exception of the summer HEAT and the rubbing together of my newly acquired thunder thighs. I LOVED witnessing the growth of my baby boy. To this day, about four years later, it makes me emotional just thinking about it. It's funny how your view of life can change at the blink of an eye.
The day he arrived, I sat watching RHOA, thinking man I really have to take a dump...Oh wait, those are contractions!!! I was so scared arriving at the hospital, being poked and hooked up to machines like I was a science experiment. It finally became so real, it was time to welcome the best thing to ever happen to me. Although my first look at him wasn't with clear eyes, as I was exhausted from giving birth. Our first night together would change my life and everything I ever thought I knew before it. It was after everyone had left, and finally his father was sleeping. I just stared at him, he was so alert and curious, looking around the room. I just stared at him thinking now my life has purpose, now I know what real love feels like. The calmness of my body and mind...nothing else in the world mattered but him. Every step I’d take from that moment on would be for him.
That night was perfect...The reason I want to start sharing my journey through motherhood is to capture my thoughts and feelings. So Chase can look back and truly understand how blessed I feel to have him...This diary is for you, my pumpkin pie, I love you always and forever no matter what