Why I'm Practicing "The Wait"
Let’s jump right in, I get asked a lot of questions about relationships. When are you gonna start dating? You need to go out and meet people? While I know these comments have good intentions, relationships have taken on a bigger meaning personally and as a single parent. Which is why I’ve decided to practice, “the wait,” aka no sex until marriage!!! That’s right folks strap on the chastity belt cause your girl ain't getting no action! Quite honestly, it’s not a big deal for me, I’m 33 and what I value in relationships has evolved. The physical part adds no value to me without foundation, from my experience without mutual alignment it’s very difficult to maintain what I believe sustains a healthy relationship. Now let’s be clear, these are my opinions, based on what I believe and want for myself and my children, it’s a package deal with me. I’m super mindful of my kids and I know they’re watching. I’m so about that “hide yo kids” life in relationships, Chase is 9 and has only seen, known, or come in contact with Harper’s dad! I don’t introduce my kids to casual relationships okurrr. Anyway, what I’ve decided to do is be really clear about “the wait” from day 1. We’ll see how this impacts the selection pool, to the fellas who may be reading this, issa no, I emphasize “no sex until marriage!” LOL!
For context I’ll add I haven’t dated anyone, since separating from Harper’s dad, I take my time to process before jumping back into relationships. I’m barely interested in dating, but I’m feeling really amazing about my growth, who I am, and what I want in this season of my life so I figure it’s time to open that door. Also, at this point in my life I’m looking for husband material only, I’m not shy about that fact. So let’s go, here’s why I made the decision to practice “the wait”:
Reason 1 God
Like the song says, “ Jesus is the reason for the season,” Amen, amen, amen. As I’ve grown spiritually I realize how to be 100% accountable for my actions, and therefore the result of my actions. In my previous two relationships, I was living a lifestyle against God's word. And by that I mean I was playing house, doing things a wife does without the vows. Because I was operating out of order of how God commands us to live, when problems came into the picture we were oblivious on how to deal with them. We had a value system problem, egos hadn’t been laid down and surrendered, which happens often I feel when you’re playing house. I definitely had my contributions to the problems, and yes, the result is me being a single parent, however this is my choice, the reality is I could have settled. Playing house is a dangerous game, too many sacrifices before commitment is a really dangerous game. I put a lot of work into my spiritual self and strengthening my relationship with God over the past 2 years, I don’t take that investment lightly and “the wait” is how I’ve chosen to honor that relationship and respect my growth as it relates to relationships.
Reason 2 Maturity
My kids have taught me the true meaning of being selfless, it’s that level of selflessness that changed my perspective on what love is and how I would approach relationships moving forward. The most attractive quality is a man who is selfless. The inner workings of his mind and values, the importance of how he considers his partner, the way he treats himself, his thoughts, actions, motivation, drive...all of these things expose the character of a person, especially when you’re looking unobstructed by the physical. As I’ve grown and matured through age and experience I realize the foundation that makes a lasting-healthy partnership has nothing to do with the physical, it’s just an added bonus. I’m grateful for how far I’ve come in regard to maturity. I’m a very loyal person, at times the lines blur between loyalty and just being foolish, what you accept or allow in relationships is critical. Everyone has their own walk and views, in my case assigning a level of honor to the physical makes a big statement on both ends. To commit to being in relationship and allowing yourself to be vulnerable to show someone who you are without hiding behind sex sets an equal footing.
Reason 3 Environment
Being a single mom and entrepreneur have heightened my awareness of environment. My internal and external environment are critically important as it relates to high performing as a mother and businesswoman. I need a partner who’s invested and confident in the dynamics of what a union looks like. There may be branches here, but we’re one family. The fathers of my children are very involved (the way it should be) I operate with them in mind at all times because we have to work together for our kids. I’m big on things being as fluid as possible between homes. I realize it’s important to take my time while considering relationships, and how I approach them, because changes in my environment affect everyone. I’m mindful of that, I focus on the standard I want to set and I don’t make comparisons to the actions of my kids fathers. You might be thinking, what does this have to do with “the wait,” the point here is it’s going to be a very careful integration of a new relationship into my family. My focus is making sure the priority is a joint commitment to the environments we’re entering together. It’s important to align myself with someone with the same beliefs. Which means...tada….“the wait”
As I said in my disclaimer earlier, my intention is definitely to be married, and not be married to be married, but have a life partner who is “equally yoked.” I don’t nor have I ever been a fan of wasting time! So there you have it folks, “the wait” is alive, well, and a beautiful thing xo.