I’ve decided to write only when I find myself compelled to. I’m super focused on hitting some goals and often times for me, that means stepping back to get my priorities in check. I’ve been celebrating Mother's Day as a mom of 1 for so long, this year being a mom of 2 gave me a transformative perspective.
It’s funny, before finding out I was pregnant with Harper, I thought I was good with just Chase. It wasn’t that I was opposed to having more kids, I think it was moreso my situation and the things going on in my life at the time. I’ve never been a fan of having an only child, nothing wrong with it, I just knew I’d likely have more than 1. I think now I can say with confidence, I’m DONE having kids lol, but for very different reasons why I said it before.
I honestly feel complete, yes, I have a boy and a girl but it’s bigger than that. I shared my struggles while pregnant with Harper compared to a pretty seamless pregnancy with Chase. They are truly yin and yang personalities by the way, which comes as no surprise to me. But what I realize now is that God was preparing me to be a different type of mother, I wouldn’t sustain with the mentality of a parent of 1. Although the test was an extremely difficult one, hard lessons are usually the ones that stick. I needed to believe what I was capable of, so I could handle what is now a new season in my life. Had I not been tested, I can honestly say, I wouldn’t be the mother I am today.
Today I’m able to handle any challenge thrown my way, there’s only two ways to use the experiences you go through, they either lift you up or weigh you down. I’m not weighed down anymore...so when Chase throws out the “you love Harper more than me” card I’m like nah bro that’s not gonna justify acting up in school! Yes, he tried it. Or when I’m up all night with Harper then have to put in a full day of work, running on 2 hours of sleep, I don’t complain. I believe I can do it. I believe it because God gives to those who trust in him beyond what they can see.
There are days I feel really overwhelmed, but there’s no other path I’d rather be living. I’ll pass the test every time because my faith in providing these two with the best life possible means more to me than anything. I hear people say this all the time and it really bothers me. Mother’s or women HAVE to do more, and while there are certainly things only women can do, please make sure your support system keeps you lifted high. We tend to take a lot on as mother’s and that’s ok, I believe it’s our nature, but I also believe it’s by circumstance. No matter the circumstance, taking care of SELF should be high on your priority list.
Every day is truly one of a kind I must say! With Harper latched on as I run around like a lunatic getting Chase dressed for school, there’s never a dull moment. At times I stop in the midst of everything, just look at them, and think how lucky I am to have them. There’s no handbook for motherhood, just get up each day and give it 100%, give yourself credit, and remember feeling like your job is never done, is a blessing. That means you’re striving to give your children the absolute best you have to give.
I have an amazing son and a beautiful daughter. Two complex little beings who will be watching me every step of the way. Who will be shaped by my actions and decisions and look to me to provide two very critical examples that will impact their lives:
As Chase's mother, I represent the ground level of the development skills that will shape the way he views and interacts with women. How he’s able to communicate, relate, and eventually treat the women he’ll encounter in his life. This is something I don’t take lightly, the shape of a man starts years before he becomes a man. My goals in mothering him are to raise him to respect women, which means he should see me being respected. To encourage him to express himself, expand his capacity to recognize effective ways to communicate, and to take responsibility when his actions fall short of what he is capable of doing. Cultivating this dialog with him as a boy, I believe will increase his chances of living within these values as a man. As his mother, continually challenging him to be better and live with purpose, will hopefully propel him to seek a future partner who encourages him to do the same. She’ll have to be pretty sharp to make my cut haha. I believe you can tell a lot about a man by looking at his relationship with his mother. No matter what he’ll face in life, he’ll have me, unconditionally. It’s critical to the future man he’ll be to stress that love is to be exercised unconditionally. I already see the shape of him in his interactions with Harper. He’s caring at his core, the first thing he asks me when I pick him up is where’s Harper, and how her day was. He is not shy to kiss and hug her and tell her he loves her. He’s truly an awesome big brother, watching him support her over the years will be magic
As Harper’s mother, I represent the ground level of the development skills that will shape the type of woman she’ll become. Strength is a quality passed down from the generations of mothers in my family, to me. Harper is gonna be one tough cookie. What my pregnancy with her taught me, is there’s strength in vulnerability. I will teach her to be strong but to have balance. Never to accept people or things that don’t support the person she is. What she will see in me is tenacity to keep moving forward, she will see confidence, she will accept when she falls down, because she’s seen her mother get up over and over again. I will teach her to shine, to lead by example, teach her she doesn’t have to be the best but she does have to give the best of who she is. Teach her to be mindful that one day she’ll be called to have a family of her own, I’ll tell her to be concerned only with the family she’s created within the walls of her home. To require respect and not to compare the lives of others to her own, to understand there’s no one way to be a mother or wife. But there is one person made to support the mother and wife she will be. I will tell her not to settle until she finds that. At three months old, I can see the greatness in her future because I’m creating the environment to support it in my present.
One thing I always tell my kids and people is we all have choices. By no means am I suggesting I’ll know what Chase or Harper will choose. But what I do know, as their mother, is the environment they’ll come from is one of respect, love, and purpose. We will talk about life, we will express how we feel, we will support each other, we will not keep records of wrongs, and we will move forward through it all as a unit.
This Mother's Day, I’m complete, I do not worry. I love these 2 creatures like crazy and I couldn't be more excited to watch them grow together. I don’t really need a day to celebrate, by the grace of God I’ve been given purpose in my spirit and in human form two times! My views on motherhood can be summed up in a Drake lyric, “what a time to be alive.”